It might look like I accidentally ended up here, but I promise you, I didn’t…

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It might look like I accidentally ended up here, but I promise you, I didn’t. Even though I sit here shivering against the wall my knees tucked up to my chest, I remain fully in control even up to this moment. 

I want him to think he is in control. I need him to. 

He has already given me two openings but I am content to wait. I will know when it is the right moment to make a move. 

I know he relishes what he thinks is my terror. I hold onto the act as a lifeline. A life everyone scorned me for as throwing away after a loss so great.

I could still hear the whispers,

“How could she waste herself?”   

“She would be ashamed to see her like this?” 

Their words never mattered. I threw nothing away. I calculated what it would take to reach this exact moment. If they even knew the level of discipline I had to mould myself to, those whispers would be in reverence not in disgust. 

He was mine as she had been his. As he assumed I was going to be. 

I never let up the shaking, even when he left me alone, I embodied the character. Lived her. But not once have I lost control. 

I try not to smile as I hear his footsteps scuff just outside the door. 

It was immediate, the exact moment my gut told me it was time. 

 

Dear Readers,

How are you doing? How is your October treating you?

I am plagued by how the rain during this season is causing havoc on my sinuses. Can I just have all the fall colours and none of this horrid rain which brings the industrial parts dominating the city I live in right into my face?? I know it is a lot to ask. But I have never experienced as bad of sinus infections after rain as I have in my current city. (I almost miss the canola crushing plant sinus infections of my prairie living days – haha!)

What are your thoughts on my writing prompt Wednesday this week? Who do you think the main character lost in her life which has brought her to this specific moment? Who would you have the “real” perpetrator be to her?

I ask “real” as I very much feel she has brought herself into the situation as the viewed victim but in reality, is the actual perpetrator.

As always I welcome your thoughts in the comment section below. Tell me where you might take the story or more details you think are relevant?

Wishing you all the very best,

xo

Honestly Austen

Postscript: Where should I move to next where my allergies won’t be as vengeful as the main character of this writing prompt?

 

 

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