For Self Love on a Sunday in April

Dear Readers,

Believing it is nearly the last week of April is both shocking and a long time coming.

How is it that in the midst of a pandemic time is able to move in such inharmonious ways? The minutes during the day seem to languish but the day appears to end within a blink of an eye. It makes the phenomenon of a short weekend feel that much shorter.

Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate the speeding of the earth’s axis whirlpool suctioning me closer to another future different from the one I see for myself. This thought has lead me to the me I am writing my self love note to this weekend.

I have always had a basic sense of what a future me would look like when I was younger. You know those idyllic childhood dreams of a family, a job you enjoy, etc. The job part always shifted, I once wanted to be a mechanic and remember finding a book on engines in the library when I was nine or ten years old, but having my own family never changed. Minus the amount of kids I wanted to have. (At one point it was eight!)

Yet, now that I am probably well passed when I had thought I would have children (of which I currently have none) and having a job I love (well an Arts degree doesn’t really get you so far) I sometimes think the future me has shifted so much I can barely recognize her.

Sometimes that shift, the mirage of what I think I will be in the future is hard to deal with. I will never have a “career” in a field that is recognizable to others. I will work to pay the bills. My love being not the job that makes me money but the one that feeds my soul. (That sounds a little cliche but it remains true.)

I must recognize that through the times I had been debating on what a future me would do (for money) the secret whisper inside my soul wished to be a writer. And I am one. (Not a paid one mind you. Obviously editing is my poorest quality) But that little girl’s whispered wish was not to be a best selling authour, but to be one who would write the words that could reach out to even one person like the words of my favourite author’s had done and continue to do for me.

So this weeks Self Love Sunday is not to the present me but to the future me. Here goes:

Dear Future Me,
My notion of you changes
year to year.
The burdens you may carry
the places you may visit.
But your hope remains the same.
A beacon in the surrounding darkness
from the story lines jumbling for attention in
your mind to the little things you do to spoil
the ones you love.
What the world may see you do is ever changing
but the you inside remains the same.
The where, the what and the why may slip-slide
but always keep being the “who”, that makes you,
you.

With love,
Past and Present You

I shall leave you here dear readers and wish for you not only a Sunday filled with the self-love you deserve (even if it feels hard to do so) but all the days ever after.

You are worthy. No matter what any voices externally or internally say.

Let a little hope in for a brighter present and future.

xo

Honestly Austen

Postscript: What is something you could do for yourself today which shows you just how much you care?

Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

Photo by Matheus Bertelli from Pexels

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